Medical Prognosis...If You're A Pinoy Like Me!

antibody -- you're definitely against everyone

artery -- it is a structured study of fine paintings

benign -- this is what you become after you be eight

bowel -- includes and is limited to the letters A, E, I, O, U

Caesarean section -- a prominent region in Rome

cardiac arrest -- when you are caught stealing someone else's car

cardiology -- an in-depth study of the game of poker playing

critical but stable condition -- when you run out of allowance but you still have enough load in your cell phone for text messaging

critical mass -- the service that politicians attend prior to election day

CT Scan -- something that you do if your cat goes missing

dialysis -- an automated telemarketing strategy

DOA (dead on arrival) -- the state of your electronic gadget upon receipt when you get it from an online thrift store

dilate -- the ability to live longer

enema -- referring to someone who is not your friend

genes -- usually comes in pairs of blue denim

hemorrhagic pancreatitis -- a more sophisticated way of saying 'bangungot'

hemorrhoid -- nasty being from outer space

impotent -- means that you are distinguished

labor pain -- refers to all your work-related stress

lobotomy -- a very unimpressive way of referring to a medical procedure involving the brain; 'lobot' in my dialect actually means 'ass'

organ transplant -- a strategic relocation of your piano

paralyze -- coincidental lies

pathological -- having to do with the paths you take from home to work and vice versa

protein -- when you are in favor of the younger generation

red blood count -- typical if you are one of the descendants of Count Dracula

secretion -- the art of hiding secrets

terminal illness -- a sickness you acquire in one of these locations: airports, pier, train station

tumor -- when you need an extra pair

vital signs -- critical clues to how much your medical bill is gonna be