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Friday, April 27, 2007

A Lesson On Double Negation

In an English class the teacher is trying to impart to the students a new lesson.


Teacher: Class, today we are going to discuss the topic on double negation. Double negation involves using two words that connotes negativity. The end result of combining two negative words is an affirmative thought.


(The class was paying close attention to the discussion and everyone was very quiet.)


Teacher: You simply follow this structure, NOT plus a negative word. Take note that a negative word comes with the prefix 'un', 'in' and any other prefixes that implies the opposite meaning of the word. Now give me examples of negative words.


Student1: unholy!


Student2: unflattering!


Student3: insecure!


Student4: illegal!


Teacher: Very good class! Now let's apply double negation. NOT plus unholy becomes holy. Why, because unholy means not holy, so, 'not' 'not holy' means holy. Do you agree?


Class: Yes Ma'am.


Teacher: K, let's try the other words. Not unflattering becomes flattering.


(The teacher went to finish the examples, then explained her point.)


Teacher: This is what you should remember with double negation. The thought created from double negation becomes an affirmative thought because the double negativity changes the context of the word to an affirmative one. The negative context of the words cancel each other.


(The teacher went on to get her point across the room.)


Teacher: Remember, this is only possible with two negative words. Two negative words always imply a positive thought. Take note also that it can never be done the other way around, meaning, it has never happened in the English language that two affirmative words when combined ever turn out to mean a negative thought. Do you get it, class?


(Then from the back of the classroom, somebody yelled with sarcasm.)


Student: Yeah, right!

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Consider Yourself Covered

A busload of people were all cramped up as they headed south in one of the Philippines' busiest islands.


Unfortunately though, every now and then there’s a very disgusting smell that wafts through the air. One can imagine the horrid smell of a sewage system that’s been left to stand for days under the intense heat of the sun.


The driver thought that it was really impolite for whoever it was to just pass gas as recklessly as that.


One annoyed passenger took off before she can reach her destination and as she pays the bus driver…


PASSENGER1: Here’s my fare.


BUS DRIVER: You are paying for two. Any companion? Which one?


PASSENGER1: Oh, I’m all alone. The remaining fare is for whoever it is who’s got some really bad gas problem in this bus. Whoever you are, consider yourself covered.


BUS DRIVER: Actually, I was thinking that perhaps I could just give that person who keeps on passing stinky gas in this bus, a free ride today. Take your money. It’s on me.


(Then from somewhere in the middle of the bus, a guy stood up and addressed both the bus driver and the passenger.)


PASSENGER2: Well, you really think I can’t afford to pay for my fare? How dare you!